Reflection

According to yoga philosophy “A chakra is defined as a wheel, or vortex of energy. There are seven primary chakras that flow through a human’s energetic system. The chakras have been called “windows to the soul this is because they provide humans with subtle connections into soul consciousness. It is through the seven energy centers that vitality pulses throughout our system energizing many of our physical, emotional and mental states.” Each chakra is represented by a particular color or colors. If I had to choose four colors that described who I am I would use this information to pick the first three colors.

The first color I would choose to describe who I am is a red-orange; like a fire color. This combines both the root chakra (red) and the sacral chakra (orange). These chakras are said to control your survival and well-being which is my day to day person motivation or the fire that keeps me going. I have two kids and I am constantly working to make sure they are well taken care of, that they have all the resources available to them to make sure they are successful in life.

The second color I choose happens to be my favorite color and that is yellow. Yellow has always been my favorite color. It’s so bright and vibrant much like I. It brings happiness and stands out. The color yellow represents the solar plexus chakra which represents our ability to be confident and in control of our lives. It’s knowing or our self-worth and that is something my parents have taught me since I was young. I’m constantly reflecting the color yellow.

Indigo is the third color and is the third eye chakra. It’s the ability to focus on the big picture. This is something I have learned to master. The fact that I already have a degree and career in accounting and decided to go back to school for speech pathology shows that I have the ability to not only see the big picture but thrive off of possibility. This color represents Intuition, imagination, wisdom, ability to think and make decisions. This is everything that keeps me reaching for the stars.

My fourth and most important color is black. This color is not a part of the chakra but how someone may describe me. I am a black woman with the attitude I’m black and I’m proud. I often attached that color to my accomplishments hoping that someone will see that the stereo types towards blacks are false. I love to educate those who may be ignorant and assume that we are all like what you see on television.

I Swear She Use to Talk To Me

My mom made no promises to buy me a car when I was of age. Besides I live New York City; you can survive without a car. There mass transit and 24 hour car service. I really didn’t have a desire to drive. That all changed when my husband surprised me with HIS BRAND NEW BMW X5. I was so angry. I mean we were living in a little apartment, we just had a daughter and he brings home this expensive car. I mean where were his priorities? Suddenly he said the magic words “you can drive it if you get your license”. Long story short, I got my license and still couldn’t drive his car.

After spending lots of money on car service to transport my daughter to school I decided to get my own car. It couldn’t be just any car. I wanted a brand new luxury vehicle. A Lexus RX300 yes – NO, by the time I saved my money for that truck the RX350 was out. Then I saw it; the Infiniti G37 coupe. I ordered the brochure and hung it up on my mirror. I told myself everyday I’m going to get this car. Finally I went to the dealership. The sales person said to me sit in it and see if you really like it. I did and heard her say, “Hi my name is Bonnie – I’ve been waiting for you”. I purchase her immediately.

This was my first car and it was a fast car at that. There is a certain responsibility and stereotype that comes along with a fast car. I learned that quickly. I hung out with my friend until about three in the morning and on my way home this old beat up car pulls up beside me, so I drive a little faster. The other car pulls up beside me again, and I drive a little faster. By this time Bonnie is like “race this fool you can beat him” so I go fast but not this old beat up car took off and left me in the dust. Bonnie was upset and humiliate. She said “make sure this never happens about”, and it was on ever since then. All kinds of cars pulled up beside and gave me the look. I mean Audi’s, Lexus, even trucks tried to race. We were in heaven. I have more wins then losses. Bonnies said “you might want to look into race car driving professionally”.

With all our success on the road I had to trade Bonnie in. I was expecting and she was just too small. I remember our last day together. I took her to the ice cream shop and ate my ice cream in the car. My heart was heavy because as a mom and wife you find yourself doing and sacrificing for everyone else but Bonnie was all me!

*Disclaimer racing cars are not safe and should only be done by a professional in the appropriate environment. I know better now.

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Journal Therapy

I remember the first time the idea of a journal was introduced to me. I was probably in the third or fourth grade. I wasn’t great at it. The teacher would always give us the first fifteen minutes of class to write in our journals; of course I didn’t write in my journal. I would much rather day dream – you know clear my thoughts for the next subject. I didn’t realize it then, but a journal captures a moment in time and can be very therapeutic.

I went through this angry phase from about seventeen to twenty one. I would explode and everyone around me would somehow be affected by my actions. I began to realize that I was hurting innocent people just because I was angry. I suddenly remembered my teacher suggesting that we write out feeling and thoughts down in a journal, so I started to write “letters” every time I was angry and then every time I was sad. There was a big relief when I wrote letters. I thought looking back and reading my feeling was cool so I decided to write in journal.

Maybe about five years ago my husband found my journal and boy did he tease me. I snatched my journal and started to read. Oh my. I read one page where I guess I broke up with some guy and I was asking god for help. This is funny because I still can’t remember who I broke up with. Another page talked about a dream that I had about my uncle before he died; scary. The very next page was a rap song that I had made up “They call me G Money & I got all the honeys”. I was so ashamed of myself reading this rap song. I had to laugh out loud. I few pages more I was talking about my relationship with my brothers, sisters, my mom and how much I missed my dad. I even tried to write poetry. I won’t quote from that poem, it was horrible.

After I was through reading my journal I realize it helped me figure out a lot of things, it helped me control my emotion. It also gave me the opportunity to be creative or not so creative. It allowed me to vent and celebrate. It reminded me about how intuitive I really am.

I no longer write in a journal, but I video tape me talking instead.

It's All Your Fault

I have a wonderful career as an accountant, and I work for a wonderful company. At least, that’s what I thought five years ago. Recently the urge to do something else with my life became stronger. I wanted a job that was more rewarding in term of helping people. I also felt that I needed more time for my kids, and as an accountant I couldn’t ever have these advantages. I thought to myself what else I would be able to do? I always had a passion for communication and I took an interest in speech pathology, but I would have start all over and it would take forever. After going back and forth for some time thinking what I should do, an answer came knocking on my door – well requested me as a friend on Facebook.

My old time friend Chris requested me and boy was I happy. I haven’t seen him in ages. We use to go to college together umpteen years ago and attended all the parties together. As we are chatting online he told me that he has a disease called Ataxia. Ataxia is a loss of voluntary muscle control, resulting in lack of balance and coordination and it is caused by damage to the brain and central nervous system. He went on to tell me that he could hardly walk, talk and wanted to give up on life. I started to call him more often and treat him as if he was handicap. He was offended by my behavior and in his shaky voice let me know that he didn’t like it. So I decided to take him to the after work bar, just like old times. You could see life in his eyes again. I started to get excited about his new attitude, but I couldn’t help feeling like there was just more I needed to do. I often thought to myself; if there was only something that I could do to help him get well.

That summer I enrolled in college. My major is speech pathology. I am motivated by my dear friend Chris. I promised him that I will help him with his speech once I finish school. My motivation also comes from my kids. Having a career that will allow me to spend more time with them is like a dream come true.

This class is a requirement for my major. However, I am very excited to get back to writing and being creative. With the rise in technology with all the texting and computer short hand, I almost forgot how to put together a well written paper. That is why the title of my blog is “This is 4 (opposed to for) English class".

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